a study in altruism
by coffeeisinmyblood
Summary: <html><head></head>so maybe delphine misses home. cophine. very angsty (you've been warned)</html>


**Sorry for the people waiting for an update to bl&cs, but I'm having a bit of a block with that one... i've witten around 500 words, and i keep opening it and just staring at it. (****sorry)**

**Anywho, this one gets pretty ****angst, but I'm in that kind of a mood.**

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><p>Ever since Rachel sent her away, Delphine has been dreaming of home, hoping that everyday she spends in this place will be her last, and that every passing hour will take her closer to being with back Cosima again. She hopes that one day, after everything, she will be able to feel the brunette in her arms, to feel her lips, and that maybe, when they are finally reunited, she will feel home again.<p>

Delphine also thinks that it rains too much in her temporary accommodation-she refuses to acknowledge the idea that this small flat with broken heating and dull grey walls could ever be her 'home'- as she watches the water pelt the window her chin resting heavily on her hand. She misses taking walks with Cosima in the biting cold that came with the arrival of winter. She misses the way they would bundle themselves into scarves and coats and gloves, and she misses the way she would slip some chocolate into her pocket because she just _knew_ that the shorter woman would complain of 'crippling' hunger around the halfway mark. She misses the way Cosima's nose would get flushed with the cold, and the way that brunette would wrinkle her nose and furrow her brows, as if that would make her nose warm again.

Delphine drinks beer now. She does it because the cheap, bitter flavours are so far from the memories she has of red coats, and smiles, and _happiness _that plague her when she so much as glances at a bottle of red wine. Sometimes she catches the smell of weed in the air as she wanders through the city, and the memories of giggling on the couch in the lab shoot through her, and she almost expects Cosima to skip up beside her and link arms with her (but she never does). Delphine spends so much time forcing herself to think of things that _aren't_ Cosima, that even the things that shouldn't remind her of the scientist, do.

It's an infuriating cycle.

Halloween comes and goes, and people begin to find inventive ways to get rid of their excess pumpkins.

This causes problems for the blonde, as Cosima was _obsessed _with pumpkins. In fact, Delphine is fairly certain that - during 'pumpkin season' - Cosima was at least forty percent pumpkin. She drank the seasonal pumpkin spice latte's almost as much as she breathed, and once - when she had gotten a cold - she had forced Delphine to cook her pumpkin soup, instead of the traditional chicken, claiming it had special healing powers that worked only for her.

(Delphine hadn't _really_ been convinced, but allowed herself to be coerced into cooking for the brunette upon the promise of kisses as soon as Cosima was well enough not to 'infect' the blonde with her 'throaty, head-y, chest-y hurt')

When Rachel dismissed Delphine and sent her away from Cosima, she was 'given' (the men taking her had forcibly taken and smashed her old one) a new phone, so that Cosima would be unable to contact the blonde, and vice versa. Their plans were slightly foiled, as they hadn't taken into account that - despite her losing all of her contact numbers with the destruction of her old mobile - she knew the brunette's number off by heart. She had immediately saved it into her new phone - once her tears had subsided enough for her to think properly - under the alias 'Cherie'.

Well, alright, if anyone actually _saw_ that name, they would probably be able to pick up on the fact that it was for Cosima, but she didn't really care about that.

Most nights, Delphine sits up in her bed, thumb hovering over her contact information, wondering if she should call, just so that she could her the brunette's voice. She hasn't yet plucked up the courage to do so, as she knows that being able to hear her love, but not to hold her, would only serve to break her more. Some nights, though, she gets very close anyway.

Tonight though, it's Cosima's birthday, and it destroys the blonde that she can't be there right now. She pulls up the few pictures she has of the brunette, jaw clenched tightly to alleviate the pain she feels looking at her, but being unable to actually touch her, hear her melodious laugh, or just to bask in her warm presence.

Her hands take up a life of their own, going through the motions she has spent the last six months perfecting, until she is able to do it without even thinking about it. Once again her thumb is hovering over the familiar contact details.

Maybe it's the wine she's drunk.

Hell, maybe she's just a masochist, because tonight of all nights, she just _needs_ to hear Cosima's voice.

Cosima is drunk, that much Delphine knows simply from the opening greeting; her words are slurred together, and, because of the whole 'clone club' thing, she wouldn't normally have answered to an unknown number so casually.

The birthday girl soon hangs up, realising that she isn't going to get a response any time soon, but Delphine keeps the phone pressed against her ear, listening to the low beep that signalled the end of a call.

So, yeah, Delphine misses home.

She misses warm hugs, and working together, she misses those nights when she had been working late, and Cosima would wander in blearily, shutting the blonde's laptop and dragging her into bed.

God, she even misses the way Scott would stare at Cosima, because it meant that the brunette was _right there_, and it always reminded her of how lucky she was to have her, when she was so beautiful, and so desirable.

So maybe Delphine misses home, and maybe she wishes she was anywhere but here in this drafty, cramped apartment, staring longingly at a name and a number on her phone, but if staying away will keep Cosima alive, she'll stay away for the rest of her life.

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><p><strong>please readreview, cos they help me improve and also motivate me to write more :)**


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